were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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