please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
