So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
