She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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