He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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