Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
