He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
