I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
