It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
