You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
