my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
