Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Umm I'm too high to move.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I love you.
Bad choice
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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