you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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