I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
