we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
