Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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