5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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