toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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