yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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