Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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