Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
