We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
