You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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