All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
