If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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