Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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