no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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