I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
