you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
