everyone is single if you try hard enough
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
