what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
