I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
