I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
