i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
