haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
