Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
