It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
