holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
