just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
