Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
