k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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