He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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