a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
