I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
