Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sober January is a disaster.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
