I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
