Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
