I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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