Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
