Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
