we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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