If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
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I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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