dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
