Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
