I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
