i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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