I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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