What a fucking waste of an outfit
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
