I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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