would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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