Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
