Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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