did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
