I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize