So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
