i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you win again, gameday.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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