Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
