So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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