Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
