Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
