I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
