I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
